Engagement shaming, Pregnancy shaming?!

Sometimes I forget I’m an adult. No, really. I know I act like one- I work full time, I go to school, I pay my rent, but sometimes I feel like it’s playing dress up. I’m 20, that awkward stage where I’m not a teenager but I don’t feel 100% like one of the grown ups yet, either. I’m also at that age where a lot of people I know have started their families.

Around the Holidays into Valentine’s Day, if you’re 18 years or older I’m sure you see a surge of proposals and pregnancy announcements on your Facebook. I know I have. I graduated high school (a class of over 400) in 2012 and off the top of my head I can think of around six classmates than have gotten married or are engaged, and a dozen that have had children.

Starting a family that young is not for everyone, I get that. But it’s articles I see like this that make me want to scream.

Look at the shares! 64,000 people have shared this.

Look at the shares! 64,000 people have shared this.

 

This has to be a joke, I thought while reading it. Here are just a few of the thoughts that apparently “you have when yet another girl gets engaged on Facebook.”

11. This bitch is going to pop out a baby before I even have a boyfriend.

12. They’ll be divorced before that kid even reaches the age of 5.

13. I can’t wait to be able to jet set anywhere I want while you’re scurrying to find a babysitter.

14. The only thing worse than these engagement statuses are the TBTs of every picture they’ve ever taken together since they’ve met.

15. What is wrong with people?!

What is wrong with people, indeed. “This bitch?” “Divorced?” Spiteful, much? Call me crazy, but I am happy for the women posting these announcements! They have found someone they love unconditionally, someone they want to spend their life with. This hateful bashing, this unhealthy competition undermines what so many feminists work hard to achieve. How can we move forward together when we are trying to drag each other down over petty jealousy?

The list goes on…

16. Is it rude to de-friend her?

17. I don’t want these pictures rubbed in my face.

18. Ugh.

19. Maybe if I actually start using that gym membership I got six months ago, I could find myself a boyfriend.

There’s a whole lot of things wrong here. Is the author really so unsatisfied with her life that seeing photos of someone else’s happiness will make her upset? She really thinks her weight is the reason she’s single? Hate to break it to you girl, but it’s your nasty attitude keeping you without a partner.

Here I am, shutting the door on all that negativity.

Here I am, shutting the door on all that negativity.

I am fortunate to be with the person I plan to marry. I’ve found a partner that is my best friend. We’re a hell of a team, and there’s no one I’d rather spend my life with. Would I feel the same way if I were single? Yes I would. Yeah it’s cliché, but in a world so full of uncertainty love is an amazing thing.

Our children will obviously be beautiful.

Love at it’s finest- our children will obviously be beautiful.

And children? Heck yeah. My partner and I aren’t ready for littles ones- yet. Between school and work, we don’t have the time or money to give a child the life we want to. But yes, we are planning on having a family. A good sized one, actually. I’m one of those women with a stubborn maternal instinct. The sight of a smiling child or a round pregnant belly sets me off on a baby fever tangent.

Am I any less feminist for wanting these things? No, because I want them on my terms. My choice. And instead of patronizing the women who decide they want these things earlier than I do, I will continue to wish them all the best.

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